I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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