it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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