I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
