Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
