hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
