You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
