Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
