This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
