I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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