it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We have started to decorate penises.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
