At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
