Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
