You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
