it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
