dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm both gender and math confused
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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