All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.