So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it