so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.