Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...