I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.