T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip