I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
