Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im holly from the hills drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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