haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
