All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
