maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
