hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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