worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
