oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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