Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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