gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
