Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
