Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
