I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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