I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
