i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
