We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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