Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
