it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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