glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want nice things and good sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
