Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
