I'm jealous of your bromance
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you bring me the toilet please
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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