His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
