you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
