He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
