I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize