Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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