but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
