You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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