I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
