are you so shy because you have an std?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The air was thick with penises
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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