he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
