I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just pee around me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
