you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
