no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
