i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
