Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
