i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The air was thick with penises
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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