I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we made out on top of his cat.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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