so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
