I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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