I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A+ Viking dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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