Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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