Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
