I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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