At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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