rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
