I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
