there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
