im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
