he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I supernannyed him into submission
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
