get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
