We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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