can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
