after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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