i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i came on her dog
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
