im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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