Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
