Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
