I cut my penus on the lid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
