if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
