I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's always time for handjobs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
